Life is so much better after having sex.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
