doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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