Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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