Michael Bay diarrhea
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
