oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
