do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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