My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well you can't waste a boner
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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