yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
