At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
