So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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