She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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