well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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