If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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