I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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