She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
