It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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