At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
