I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
