im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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