Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
