its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
