I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
