hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
