how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
