I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
