Swine flu. Run for my life!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
