Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
