The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
