another moral hangover. fuck.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
