I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's always time for handjobs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
this hospital has no fireball
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
