I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
