Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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