Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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