Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im holly from the hills drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
