Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
