they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
