did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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