If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
