I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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