I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
