fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
