im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
