there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
