I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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