Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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