it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
