We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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