im about as happy as oj after his trial
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
