Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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