i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
