So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
