I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
