I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
