i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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