you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
