I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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