I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
