he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
