He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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