Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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