I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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