She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
