I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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