dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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