We won't sleep together?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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