awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
