I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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