I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
