SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
