If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
